the power of euphoria

Imagine a room with a closed window that is suddenly thrown open and bright light, clean air, and cool wind come pouring in through it. That is how I feel today. Like a window has been opened.

Although it’s safe to say that I did not get everything I wanted today, I got what I definitely needed and that was support of some amazing friends. What’s important is to keep this momentum up. This movement forward in life towards creation. And I'm addicted to this momentum. This movement. This motion.

People are addicted to a wide variety of things: cigarettes, booze, drugs, shopping, eating, sex, stealing, driving too fast, adrenaline, gambling, work, exercise, caffeine… I personally have my own little obsessions, my own little quirks and my own little addictions. I have six hundred books mind you. We all do things to keep us “high,” in a state of euphoria.

There are a few things in my life, I am learning, that truly get me to that state of pure ecstasy. Literature, film, music, travel and men do that for me. They always have. They always will. And when they all come together it is all the better.

To Draw or Not To Draw...

There is nothing like the craftsmanship of a firm, leather bound journal. You crack open the pages and you hear the crinkle as they become unstuck. Putting pen to page, you think about what you want to write. To write in such a beautiful journal – like Hemmingway and Greene – you cannot be wasteful with your words. It’s an art form in many ways. You don’t just rip out a page and start afresh. They are expensive books. They are heavy books.

Sketchbooks, journals, and notebooks. These are some of my favorite things.

When I wasn’t writing, I used to also carry a sketchbook around with me and would draw almost daily, filling the books with sketches of my classmates, of my school buildings, copying photographs and pictures in magazines. Kids used to say they didn’t understand me: “You’re in 3 varsity sports, you’re the school artist and we find you reading Shakespeare in a tree!” So, I was the weird kid.

When I was seventeen (when the sketch of the woman was done) I went to Rhode Island School of Design for the Pre-College Summer Program and found myself in paradise. Eight-hour studio classes drawing nude models all day and being surrounded finally by like-mined teenagers was bliss. I never wanted to go back home or to my stuffy prep school. NEVER!



But those days of drawing every day in my sketchbook did end, although I have thought about taking that back up over and over again. It’s therapeutic and I think if you have a natural talent for something, you shouldn’t let it go to waste.



But I guess when you really focus on one thing, like anything, other things get left at the wayside. Things get left behind and you have to figure out how to incorporate those things you love back into your life before you loose them forever. They’re like friends that you don’t want to loose touch with. I guess that’s one reason why art always finds a way into my stories. I have to have it around me. It’s all over my walls. I see it everyday. I read about it. I make sure it surrounds me in my life. It’s in me. I might as well make sure it comes out of me again.

I'm really sick of lemons

Over the last week, I have glanced occasionally at “A Bohemian Girl” and thought “Is there anything I want to say today?”

No.

OK then.

But today I had something to say… imagine that… which were bits and pieces of thoughts that were being strung together on pieces of paper throughout the week… as well as paragraphs saved in word documents on my computer… since the last time I typed a single word online.

So here it goes…

The Master Cleanse is something you either love or hate, trust or suspect, agree with or oppose vehemently; regardless, people all over the World try the Master Cleanse each year. On Monday, I started the Cleanse in order to cleanse my body of a food allergy, but by the fourth day, I had to stop, because of leg cramps that started on the third day due to Mineral and Vitamin Deficiency. Not fun. I’m proud of myself for going four days, but the way it ended is a real… downer. No other way to put it. And I think the next Cleanse I do will be the old faithful vegetable and fruit smoothie/juice one… Yum!

Anyway, enough of that.

Of course I’ve been thinking about my moving to London, because that’s what’s been keeping this little boat afloat lately in this city of mine. I’m out of steam. I’ve sprung a leak and I have no crew and I’m a one-man army trying to clog this vessel. (That is one reason why I went on the Master Cleanse - to recharge my engine. I do that when I feel it’s been bogged down with too much “Hollywood” and “Life” guck.)

I’ll do it, don’t get me wrong… I always do it. I always find out a way of succeeding and I will get my film done, although a little later than I thought it would be.

So, as I do this on my own, I have been daydreaming about London. I don’t know where I would like to live, although I have looked at apartments (flats) online and have found some places that I could afford, especially if I moved there with my friend, Heather.

However, if she does go, Heather may find herself in Oxford and that would put me in the position to either go to Oxford for a couple years or live in London and visit her on a regular basis. Either way, we could still take vacations with each other and that is where the fun begins.

I think this means I need a vacation and Heather and I have been talking about going to France in the next six months. Maybe. Schedules permitting.

But if I lived in London, the World would be open to me and so would my godparents, who live in: France, Italy, Germany, Finland, Norway, Spain, Portugal, and Greece, to name a few. I have over 30 godparents who live in 30 countries and they always ask me to come visit them and I have never taken them up on their offers. But now that I would be in their neck of the woods, it would be stupid not to… (It was stupid not to before, I know. But I have visited most of them, so don’t shoot me!)

Onto something that has been bothering me…

Most of my friends have been very supportive about my decision to move to London. My Mother is actually very excited about it and said, “It’s a wonderful goal to have, my dear.”

However, one of my closest friends is rather unenthusiastic about my decision. I mean, what’s the purpose of saying, “Sure, you’re moving to London… It’s a stupid idea”… What? Excuse me?

Why do people feel the need to rain on my parade?

Saturday night, as we sat at La Poubelle, she immediately started criticizing me: “You’ve had this plan before. Weren’t you going to move there last October? You didn’t.”

No, I didn’t. I chose to stay in LA and follow my dream, but NOW, as it gets realized, I’ve decided there’s no reason to wait. I gave myself the “by 30” deadline and I’ll be hitting it in 1 1/2 years.

“You’re throwing everything away! You have connections here. You have a film that people love and want to make! You’re just quitting! And moving to London is not going to make things better. It’s not going to fix anything. You’re running away from what you want to do.”

I want to live in a place that gets me excited. I want to step out my front door and think “WOW. I live HERE.”

“It’s not going to stay that way. You’ll become jaded there. It’s not always going to be Wow. Life isn’t like that.”

Jaime is wow’d by Prague every day!?

“No place is going to wow you every day.”

When I lived in Malaysia, I was wow’d everyday.

“Uh! I can’t talk to you!”

Life is too short to not be in a place that you love. And every day I am here, I realize that more and more.

There are moments that make you appreciate Los Angeles. As I drove Heather home last night, she was so happy to be back in LA. She said: “Hello, my lovely city. I know people say you’re a whore… And maybe you are… But I love you.”

I will miss these moments, but it’s not enough to keep me here. And that’s what counts.

April 12th to April 18th Prague Journal Entries

So, I've decided to go back in time. Just a little jump back to April of 2007 when I went to the Czech Republic for eleven days. For a brief moment, I tried to keep a journal while I was in Prague; however, I found myself enjoying my time there far too much to write. (Note: This is a two part journal entry and my April 10th Entry is posted before this one, so you might want to read that one first.)

April 12th, 2007

So, life is on hold for I am in the Czech Republic, which is quite far away from Los Angeles. I have left so much behind me. I don’t want to go back. Not yet. Not now. Not today.

I feel that life is also beginning anew. That a chapter has been finished and life is starting a fresh, like spring. Oh life, what do you have in store for me? Will I be ready to go back to Los Angeles on the 18th? What is it that makes me want to return? I have a short film that I want to do… Part of me feels like eleven days is not enough. I wish I could rent a flat here and stay for a month or even longer. I like that idea: going somewhere and renting a place for a couple months while I explore, write… And part of me likes the idea of living here in the future.

Prague is so beautiful. It is a magical wonderland. I’ve written to Mother and some friends. I love it here. I’m a bit nervous to be on my own in Prague (as I am now) but I like the city’s vibe very, very much. I think I’m going to get a phone while I am here. To be in contact with Tara and Jaime.

Here are some photographs from that day:







April 13th, 2007

I was walking down an archway and realized that there was a couple behind me. Quickly I stepped to my right and let them pass while taking my camera out and snapped a photograph of them.



April 14th, 2007

Reading the entries before this, I know that it was a good idea to come to Prague, because I feel re-energized.

Jaime, Jack and I walked up to Petrin Hill to met everyone. We had seen Tara the night before with her boyfriend, Steve, and their friend, Rian, who are here to shoot Rian’s movie, “Brother’s Bloom.” I was excited to see Miss. Tara, who is the instigator of this trip; the author; the reason why I ever flew across the Altantic on a whim. “I’ll be there. Why don’t we meet up?”

And boy was it a whim. I remember sitting in the Pig as we looked at plane tickets online for her. We started talking about how much fun it would be if I met up with her. I thought, “Oh, I don’t know. Would everyone be weirded out if I showed up? I only know Jaime…’

But it was fun just talking about it, but then she said, “Well, are you going to buy a ticket? You should fly British Airways. I am.” I thought about it for a couple days. Should I jump on a plane and go to Prague? I thought about going for a week, while Tara was there, but then I decided if I was to go that I’d extend my stay to eleven. I hoped Jaime would be alright with it, which she was when I asked. I have a place to stay. I have the money for the ticket. What was stopping me?

Fear.

But I picked up my cell, called up my Mother’s travel agent and got a good deal on a flight. Bam! I had my ticket in a matter of minutes. I was going to Prague. Holy cow! (However, I might just purchase the ticket myself next time, unless I do a combination of flights.)

Jaime, Jack and I met up with Tara and the crew up on top of Petrin Hill. We all took out our cameras and started taking photographs of the hillside - beautiful white flowered trees peppering the hill with a devastatingly beautiful view of Prague and the Castle. One of the most beautiful views I’ve seen in a long time.

The View From On Top of Petrin Hill

When the film changed locations, Tara and I left Petrin Hill. We took the “trolley” – it’s not really a Trolley, but some space like ride – down the hill and walked past a statue that Jaime had pointed out to me the other day. Not knowing its name, I dubbed it the “Freedom from Communism” statue. (I seem to remember that Jaime said it was called something like that.)

It’s beautiful and affects me differently than most tourists, who have never lived in a Communist Country. If you have any experience with Communism, you’ll be affected. What affected me so much about the statues was that it shows a man walking OUT of Communism. As he moves forward, he becomes more and more of a whole human being. The last man is half a man, while the man upfront is whole. Stunning!

"Freedom From Communism"

Close up of Man

Thursday we spent all day at the Charles Bridge while they shot and Tara and I snuck into the Old Town Square on several occasions. We found a health food store in one of the alleys and would periodically return to it for food. That night a group of us went to a fabulous restaurant called Pravda. It was a wonderful night out. There was a table of maybe ten of us and we sat around laughing and talking and were just in a jolly good mood.

Old Town Square

Yesterday, Tara and I hung around Wenceslas Square (Vaclavski Namesti) and Old Town Square. On my way to meet her, I took the tram from Jaime and Jack's flat to the metro. I had to change from, I think, the yellow to the green line in order to get off at "Museum" stop. Unsure of exactly where I was going, I saw an older woman standing by what I thought was the train going to "Museum." So I decided to approach her and ask her directions... This is how it went, sort of...

- "Dobrý den." I said and I could tell immediately that she knew I was a foreigner. Although my Russian accent is quite good, it did not help me in Praha.

- "Dobrý den." She said with a smile.

- I pointed to the train, or rather in the direction of where the train would be pulling up to let passengers on, and said "Museum, yo?"

- "Yo." She nodded. Great I was at the right spot!

- "Děkuji." I said and nervously walked a couple feet away in order to wait for the train.

Although that conversation was made up of six little words, I did it all in CZECH! Ha!

So, as I floated on my "I spoke six words of Czech and asked for directions" cloud, Tara and I roamed around the Vaclavski Namesti and found our way to Kafka's house, which is in Old Town Square. Not much to see in there sadly.

Looking at Jaime and Jack’s Prague Travel book, I’ve covered the majority of the bases. Maybe I should walk around and take pictures.

April 18th, 2007

I spent yesterday walking through Josofov with Jaron, the 2nd Unit Director of Photography. Great guy! We saw the Spanish Synagogue – where I started to cry, because it was just that beautiful. I was in Josfov ten years ago, when I traveled to Europe with my parents – and remember it quite well. It is, by far, my favorite part of Praha.

Josofov Street

Met up with Kevin and Jessica. We made our way back into the Old Town Square where we went to the Mucha and Dali exhibits. The arwork was placed in different rooms of what could have been someone's large apartment. I wish I had a photograph of the view from one of the rooms overlooking the square as the sun came down over the darker of the two churches.

Afterwards, Wade, Jaron and I had drinks in Vysherad as the sun set over Prague and then he had Thai with a group of people from the film…

Sunset from Vysherad

A photograph I had to take. It was like he was begging me to take it.

I do love Prague. While they were shooting at the Hotel Praha yesterday, I had a talk with Kevin, who said something very inspiring: Watching Rian do his film inspired Kevin to follow his filmmaking dream. As I thought about what Kevin had said, a strong feeling came over me. I am not truly happy in Los Angeles. I want to be somewhere that makes me as happy as Prague makes Jaime. I want to wake up excited about where I live.

But something else Kevin said made an impact as well. Rian was following his dream. We were witnessing his dream come true, after all his hard work. Rian inspired me through example. And so, standing on the back patio of the Hotel Praha, I picked up my phone and called my Mother and told her that I had made the big decision to move to New York or London in 1 to 2 years. When I told Jaron, he said to do it in 1 1/2 years and to make a date… which would be September 1, 2008.

You have to believe in yourself. I have to stop questioning and wondering and worrying and just know that it will be beautiful and good.

April 10th Prague Journal Entry

April 10, 2007

I have successfully removed myself from my life in Los Angeles. I am in Prague. Can you hear the sigh of relief? Exhale.

Vysherad is beautiful. Jaime and I parted ways an hour ago – she had to go teach one of her classes – and I am sitting in Vysherad Fortress, having just gone into the gothic church and through a famous cemetery that has only artists buried in it. I loved walking through the cemetary, looking at all the writers, composers, artists. I saw Dvorak's grave.

Picture of a sculpture in the Vysherad park

I always have the distinct feeling that I am going to get lost – very lost – but that also happens in my own backyard, which is part of the excitement of traveling. You may, and probably will, get lost. Very lost. But I love it when you realize that you are actually getting to know the city. As you walk down the same twists and turns of some back street over and over again, in whatever city you’re in, you are hit by the realization that YOU know your way around. You remember how to get to your destination. You’re getting to know the city!

I was walking to the Bohemian Bagel in the Old Town Square – great ex-pat restaurant with Internet – and a girl walked up to me and asked me if I knew where the Bohemian Bagel was. First off, I’m a quarter Bohemian – hence the blog title – which means my family is from Bohemia, which used to be a country that was made up of a part of the Czech Republic and part of Austria. My Father was also Russian, so I do look really Slovak. Like I might even belong here?

Anyway, the girl came up to me and asked if I knew where the restaurant was. I smiled and said, “I’m on my way there. I’ll take you.”

She was flabbergasted and we introduced ourselves. “My name’s Elena,” I said, holding out my right hand.

She smiled and, shaking my hand, said: “Me, too.”

Imagine that! Two American girls. In Prague. On their way to check their e-mail at the Bohemian Bagel. And we’re both named Elena.

Side note: I’m not the type of American that makes a beeline for the American Restaurant in a foreign country. I’m actually quite the opposite, but my computer was not hooking up to the Internet and I needed to check my e-mail. And I had already tried to check my e-mail at three different cafés before this encounter...

We walked to the restaurant and checked our e-mails. Well, she was actually signing up for classes at Boston University. Again! BU. I told her I had lived in Beacon Hill for three years while I finished up my degree at Emerson College. I had gone to Denison University for the first two years, but nearly went insane in the conservative Ohio town of Granville. I quickly moved back home to Newport, Rhode Island, for 6 months and then started back at College in January.

[Break from writing… cue Elevator music.]

So, I have left Vysherad and I am sitting in another Internet café, waiting for Jaime to finish her second class of the day. I just smiled at the waiter and said “Dobre Den. ” (Hello in Czech and strangely enough nearly the same in Russian. But that doesn't help, since the two languages are rather different and no one likes Russians here. Again, thank goodness I am a quarter Bohemian.)

Anyway, I just ordered my latte (with regular milk, oh my) and here I am writing again. Right now, I am doing fabulously… I am loving Prague. It is of course sooo very beautiful. There are parts of the city that I do remember from my trip here ten years ago, but most of the time it is like I've never been here. Jamie, Jack and I spent yesterday walking around the city taking pictures. We went to the Charles Bridge and parts of Old Town and had coffee in a couple different cafes and wound up going to see the movie "300" in a cinema here. I can’t believe I saw “300” in PRAGUE!

Picture of a picturesque street in gorgeous Prague

Jaime and Jack are in such a beautiful flat here and I have a lovely little bed to sleep on... I was very, very tired after walking around the city from about 11 am to 6 pm yesterday. I am sleeping on two lovely little comfy mattresses that are piled on top of each other. And I have a nice comforter and a pillow. I am very, very comfortable at night. They live in a loft. With hardwood floors. And a beautiful view of the tops of buildings and a big hill – Petrin Hill – that I guess is part of a park that we've walked past a couple times.

It's good to see my friend Jamie. I guess you could safely say that she is an ex-pat. I have an ex-pat friend... How very, very interesting... Also, story wise... Being here makes me think of a film I wanted to write and shoot in London (when I’m a little older than I am now) that I've been throwing around in my head for almost twelve years. This city makes me think and dream.

Think and dream. What a wonderful feeling. To be somewhere that makes me inspired. I wonder how I can keep that feeling going… It’s like I need a constant change of environment to ignite this feeling. It’s like needing a fix. I could move to London and I’d have a great jump off place to travel from and if (or when) I want to settle down for a period of time, take a break if you will, I can just go back to London… How do I do THAT?

Jaime is in love with Prague, so I am happy that she found some place that she is in love with and happy everyday to be in... She is thrilled here and has been here two years, but it's like each day is her first... "Isn't this a beautiful place to live?" every morning... She walks out the door and says "Oh shut up, stupid Prague" as the puffy white clouds quickly move through the clearest blue sky... and she beams. She beams with happiness here.

I want to beam with happiness.